Marital therapy, couples counseling, pre-marital counseling, and relationship exploration all have one thing in common: the process of discovery. The great couples therapist Harville Hendrix recently stated at a talk "Notice your partner is not you." The process of discovery may lend itself well to noticing this fact. Looking deeper, we learn what Gottman is discussing in the article, that contempt is a bell weather of break-up. We often may not realize we are holding each other in contempt. That we are essentially projecting a one dimensional capacity onto our partner. We begin to hear statements like "That's just you" or "You are always going to be this way, or "You are not capable of doing this." Exploring patterns between each other in couples counseling can show that making small changes can go a long way in healing, achieving deeper intimacy, and accepting greater purpose and satisfaction with life.
Enjoy this article from one of the truly great teachers of how to discover each other. Also, check out Gottman's books on the subject and begin exploring ways to make each other happy as well as ourselves.